Warning: Mom Rant

Alma used the word "hate" today for the first time.  "I HATE books," she said.  I laughed.  "Really? Do you want me to get rid of all of our books?"  "No," she answered quietly.

A friend of mine had been joking with her yesterday about how much she loved horses and said to her, "Wait, I thought you hated them?"  I'm sure we've used the word in Alma's presence before but some part of me cringed.  I just wasn't ready to have that be part of vocabulary.  Please, grown ups, watch what you say!  These kids are sponges.  I didn't want to make a big deal when Alma said it, but them she kept repeating it because she could see that it was getting a reaction.  So I ended up saying that hate is a strong word, just like some foods have strong flavors.  Not sure how that made sense of it for either of us, but there it was.  I can't help but imagine how many more conversations like this one lie ahead...hate, kill, die, shit, damn....ahhh!  And she's turning three!  Some days I feel I'm not cut out for parenthood.

Isaiah had been in another terrible cycle of ear infections.  Cold and allergies make him snotty and then his ears (both) get infected.  It's been about six weeks of snot and fussiness.  He's been his second round of antibiotics because the infection is resistant.  How do they become resistant?  By taking too many stronger antibiotics.  But he is allergic to amoxicillin so we have to start with something stronger and then it ramps up from there.  This time they wanted to give him an antibiotic shot which I declined.  I have been to about eight doctors appointments in three weeks.  Seen the pediatrician five times, two different osteopaths, a wacky Tibetan healer dude and this week he'll see a homeopathic nurse.  The pediatrician also wants us to see an ENT.  And I need to get some allergy testing incase I am passing on some antibodies through to him through my milk. 

My life would be so much easier if I could just commit to a singular medical worldview.  Instead I bounce between them and it makes me crazy.  One group tells me that vaccines and antibiotics weaken his immune system and make him more susceptible to all these infections -- that he would be healthier if we had never done any of it to begin with.  The other group tells me that we need to vaccinate to protect him from greater risk and without antibiotics he could potentially face hearing loss or worse - a rare dangerous brain or mastoid infection.  It is hard to connect to my heart and maternal intuition with all this fear racing around in my head.  It is definitely not so black and white.  Isaiah has a delicate system - like a finely tuned instrument.  I hate putting him on the antibiotics which wreck his digestion and only set him up for more resistant infections.  But of course it is awful to see him in pain.  We are so connected - if he doesn't feel good, I am irritable!  I just ordered an otoscope so I can start checking his ears myself.  I'll keep you posted. 

Other updates:  Isaiah can walk across the room but still prefers to crawl.  He looks more like he is dancing than walking.  He is kind of a mad man these days -- like someone let a monkey out of its cage.  He picks up heavy objects and raps them on the big glass windows ("No!"), then crawls over the the door and gets frustrated because he can't open it, tries to climb something high and dangerous and then scours the floor for dried food scraps he dropped from his last meal.  He loves to read and will demand the same five books every day.  In short, he's a handful right now.  But a charming, handsome, babbling handful who will blow you a kiss goodbye.

Alma started taking gymnastics and is loving it.  She is strong and focused on the rings and the balance beam and then goofy and excited on the trampoline.  I'll try to take some pictures.  I know I have been horribly delinquent with the blog.  We are just still so tired, I am still waiting to catch my breath.  I know many of you know how I feel.  Sometimes I need to write otherwise I fear I will not remember any of their early childhood except through pictures, which I promise to post soon.